


yo, ho, ho, and many bottles of rum

by bestliars



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Pirates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-07
Updated: 2013-01-07
Packaged: 2017-11-24 02:09:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/629141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestliars/pseuds/bestliars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you read this, think of how tan Jeff Carter would be if he was a pirate, considering how tan he is as a hockey player while knowing that pirate is an occupation that involves exposure to sunlight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	yo, ho, ho, and many bottles of rum

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stellarer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stellarer/gifts).



> For Stellarer, because this summer we walked two miles on a hot day, while making up a story about Carts and Richie being pirates, and then on the bus home I asked her to go out with me, which was a really great decision.

Mike is not a shitty pirate captain, and Jeff is a damn fine first mate. This whole getting marooned on a desert island thing is just a big misunderstanding.

The Flyer was Mike’s ship, he won it fair and square in a game of cards. It hurts to watch as it grows smaller, before eventually disappearing over the horizon.

“I don’t think they’re coming back,” Jeff says.

Mike has to agree. He nods, and says “We should open another bottle of rum.”

The two of them sitting on the sand are the only intelligent beings on the island, unless they choose to count Arnold, who is sitting on Mike’s shoulder. While three would be a less depressing figure, and Arnold is awfully smart, he’s still a pet monkey, so he probably shouldn’t count.

Arnold is an odd name for a monkey. When Richie came back from the market with a monkey named Arnold Jeff said, “That isn’t a very piratey name"

Richie said, "Fuck you.” He isn’t eloquent at all.

“Is that any way to speak to your first mate?”

Richie said, "Fuck you. I'm a pirate. I can name my pet whatever I want. Even Arnold. Pirates don't follow rules. That's why we're pirates."

This was a good point.

Jeff said, “It’s still a stupid name.”

If Jeff got to make the decisions Richie wouldn’t have a monkey at all, he’d have a parrot. Parrots are awesome because they repeat what you say. If Richie had a parrot it would swear a lot and tell people to swab the deck.

If Jeff had a parrot it would say, "Hey Richie. Richie. Hey. Rum!"

Rum is one of the best parts of being a pirate, along with swords and getting to do whatever they want. Jeff kind of wants to lay back and close his eyes. It hasn’t been a great day.

They’ve already been marooned. Now they’re probably going to get drunk and have poorly orchestrated sex on the beach. He just knows he’s going to get sand stuck absolutely everywhere.

None of this would have happened to cause him discomfort if he had just listened to his mother and become a blacksmith. But if he had learned a trade then he never would have met Richie, and that would have been terrible. Richie makes everything worthwhile.

There’s a new ship on the horizon, with black sails. Mike sets off a flair. The ship changes course, to head in their direction. Jeff opens another bottle of rum.


End file.
